Destination Unknown

“We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, 

 yet we forget that he is someone today.”

~ Stacia Tauscher ~

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge him,

And he shall direct your paths."

―Proverbs 3:5-6, NKJ

I am an idealist at heart. After all, I grew up in the Beaver Cleaver and Ozzie and Harriet Nelson era. (Huh? You mean not everyone grows up to meet their husband at the door in an apron and pearls?)

In the fifties and sixties, life was portrayed on television as almost perfect―complete with a rose-covered cottage and white-picket fence, a handsome husband, well-behaved children (of course), and the cat and the dog.

News flash: not everyone arrives at the destination of his or her dreams. Sometimes the unexpected happens and we collide with a future we don't even recognize as our own. It doesn't necessarily mean that the latter is any less desirable than the former, it simply means it's different.

I never envisioned my future to include a child with Down syndrome. In fact, at age twenty-seven, I'd never even heard of Down syndrome. I found myself at a destination I didn't sign up for and one I knew nothing about.

Our daughter was in her teens when I ran across the following story. The emotions and truths expressed by the author reflect those I've experienced on my own journey to this foreign land. As you read it, perhaps you will come to understand why many of us who travel here consider it a blessing to accompany a child who experiences life at a slower pace and marches to the beat of their own drummer.


Although I never pictured myself as the mother of a child with Down syndrome, thirty-eight years this side of her birth, I can't imagine my journey taking any other course. It has been the opportunity of a lifetime and a detour I'm privileged to take.

I hope the following story blesses you. Sit back, relax, and enjoy your view.

Welcome to Holland

by Emily Perl Kingsley

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability -- to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this...

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans... the Coliseum, the Sistine Chapel, Gondolas. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting. After several months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives.

You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland!" "Holland?" you say. "What do you mean, Holland? I signed up for Italy. I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place full of pestilence, famine, and disease. It's just a different place.

So, you must go out and buy new guidebooks. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around. You begin to notice that Holland has windmills. Holland has tulips. And Holland even has Rembrandts. But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy, and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life you will say, " Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that experience will never, ever, ever, go away. The loss of that dream is a very significant loss. But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

Emily Perl Kingsley wrote "Welcome to Holland" in 1987. Since that time, it has been translated into numerous languages and published on scores of websites. Emily has been a writer for Sesame Street since 1970. When her son Jason was born with Down syndrome in 1974, Emily and her husband Charles became activists, educating the public and developing resources to help Jason and other kids with special needs fulfill their potential.

Now it's your turn to "get down." What is something you might have missed out on if your life had not taken an unexpected turn?

Please leave a comment. 

Keep your sunny side up,

Starr